De Nihilo

WHY IS THE WORLD SO STUPID?

Like many in the USA, I was angry and sad to hear certain news today. I pondered and I prayed; to be honest, I got high as a kite flown by Snoop Dogg during a Springtime windstorm. And lo, the HEAVENS spake unto me the secret cause of why this world seemeth so damnably stupid.

Verily the LORD spake, “Let there be light.” And there was light, and the LORD looked upon it and it was pretty good (for a noob).

Then the LORD saith, “Let there be stars, and planets, and quantum thingummies.” And lo, there were stars, and planets, and quantum thingummies, and the LORD thought that was pretty nifty.

Then the LORD began to perfect the deeply flawed Universe (for He was a beginner in programming, after all), but lo there was a DING, for MOM had made pizza rolls, so the LORD did scamper off for lunch (forgetting the Universe which He had just created, along with the effect the pizza rolls did have upon His complexion).

And the Heavens did declare that the LORD posted a status update: “#yum”.

Verily there hath been no status update, yea unto all generations, as darkness gathers unto darkness and the wind begets the whirlwind.

And lo therefore here, as they say, we are.

Image: Shutterstock (used under license)

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